Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
