too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
