bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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