wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
