Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
