if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
