96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
