My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
