I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
