"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
