It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
