Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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