Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
