So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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