we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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