just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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