i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
