filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
