At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
