Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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