I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
