these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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