Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it because I queefed?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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