happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
