Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
