Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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