Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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