Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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