I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
