Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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