Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
