nut hugger
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
