I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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