Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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