Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
