They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
