she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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