is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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