I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
