I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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