if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
