then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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