Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
