hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He better not be in your backpack
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
