I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
