I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
