i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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