1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
