my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
