turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
