i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
