I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
