ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
