I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
